My reaction may seem strange to you, but as a black girl growing up in a predominately white neighborhood and being one of four black girls in my secondary school, I have always been at the brunt end of racism and sexism. During family gatherings my parents and aunts and uncles shared their stories of racial harassment and discrimination at work, and how hard life was for them when they first came over to the UK. I learned to see the world, literally in black and white.
The color of my skin held more significance than what was in my head, how well I excelled at school or how fast I ran. I developed a cloak around my heart to shield the unwanted stares and negative racist comments, my family, friends and I received. Thus, to be pregnant and offered a seat or doors opened for me by white men, because I was pregnant, did my head in. I didn't know what that was about and questioned their motives. What were they thinking? Why were they suddenly being so thoughtful? Did they think I was weak, not able to stand and look after myself? I questioned everything, yet answers still eluded me.
Pregnancy 2 My second pregnancy left me feeling like a wounded soldier. A few days after my Dr confirmed my pregnancy, I miscarried. It was horrible and an experience I still struggle to think about. I felt that my body had failed me, rejected a part of me and all I had left was an empty hole. The only way I could cope was to withdraw into myself.
I presented a logical exterior to the world, got on with all that I had to do, but inside my womb was crying. I didn't understand why my body let me down and what was wrong with me. Pregnancy 3 When I became pregnant a third time, I was alarmed. I didn't want to think about it and blocked out all signs and symptoms my body was revealing. This pregnancy felt nothing like the other two and I was frightened at what could be going on. Everything felt intense; my mind grasped at loose straws trying to make sense of what was happening.
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When I finally went to the Doctors and got rushed in for an earlier than usual scan, I held my breath and expected the worst. I didn't believe him. How did that happen? I stared at the screen trying to fathom out what the images meant. As I scanned the screen I could clearly see there were two. Two sets of everything.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The world laughed and rejoiced at the news. Everyone exclaimed it was an unexpected blessing.
The cherry on the cake. I smiled yet, whilst the world rejoiced, I kept a silent vigil, scared that something untoward would happen to me. I felt too tired and worried to relax and enjoy this pregnancy especially as I feared another miscarriage. My daughter was just over a year old and active, and I struggled with the competing demands of caring for my family, working and being pregnant with twins.
It was easier for me to disconnect from my emotions and function on autopilot. My mind hurtled through space at a mile per hours and I struggled to concentrate at work and be present at home. A whole year of adventures under my belt since I last wrote a blog back in , starting with several souls saved through Jail Ministry for Jesus. All praise goes to God! I am believing for God to use me even more in the months to come, as He's broadening my path so I can share Jesus with others that are lost, hurting, and imprisoned in their souls.
The good news of the gospel always sets the captives free!
- Blog Archive;
- Different Faces of Trauma: My Journey to Heal from Childhood Wounds?
- Lesson Plan #1: The Member of the Wedding?
- Lingering Effects in Adulthood;
- Journey to Healing | Psychology Today!
I have been meeting new acquaintances and revisiting old friends of my past. I've always believed that good friends are the spice of life, and that's been proven over and over in most recent months. I am thankful for the people God has connected me with at work, at home, through Facebook, and yes; even at Walmart. I've been privileged to pray for many and have experienced God's healing touch in the people's lives that God has sent across my own life path.
- My Journey – In the Healing Light.
- A Legacy of Revenge (Legacy Series Book 2)?
- My Journey to Healing!
Healing School on Thursdays is growing, not only in numbers, but in significant revelation of who Jesus really is to us here in this tri-state area. We, together, have learned more about the healing power of the Lord, are encouraging one another in the word of God, and praying to get results. Getting to know the Lord through relationship has been blessing our hearts deeply. The women coming to the open group are eager to be instructed and believe God for more of the promises of His to come to manifestation! The Grace of God is being taught and received! It really is the person of Jesus!
We had family fun camping last summer with the grandkids, I've been blessed to have. Only the Creator could do so well!! Each and every grandchild, with all their distinct personalities, have expanded my heart for more joy and wonderment. They certainly know much more than I did at their age, which I'm so grateful for. We are all believing for restoration in every area of our lives. We've been given much to be thankful for. God's plans for us are more than we could dare ask, think, or imagine! My book has been given to several people needing miracles.
It's a resource that can help them to not give up. I reread it myself a while back, and was reminded of the faithfulness of God. I have plans to get my book in more prisons this summer, as well as magazine ads.
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I will keep you all posted on the rest of the year's progress. Until next time, know that you are greatly blessed, highly favored, deeply loved, magnificently healed, and hugely prosperous according to the Word of God. Believe it, receive it, and walk in the finished work of the cross!
He did it all for you! Friday, June 24, This month has flown by! It's hard to believe I've been out of school for almost a month.
I've been visiting friends, picking blueberries to store in the freezer, and doing some baking that I enjoy so much. Mark and I just got back from camping in Indiana too. The grandkids are visiting, and staying overnight, which is one of my favorite pastimes. A revelation came to me yesterday, after sending one of the grandsons home after a three-day visit this week.
From Doing to Being: My Journey to Healing | ME/CFS & Fibromyalgia Self-Help
I understand now why my mother-in-law stated that women should have their children and grandchildren when they're young! The grandkids are so much fun to have over! I love watching them express their ideas and interact with one another, however, I was certainly ready to rest this week! I've spoken to several people in the last few weeks about my book. One lady I saw today reminded me how she'd bought my book at Walgreen's for her sister who was battling cancer.
Her sister commented that she really enjoyed my book. I needed to hear that so badly because I was starting to wonder if I was really helping people or not with my book. Another friend told me on Facebook that she'd gotten a book to give to her co-worker who needed to hear the message.
My own cousin enjoyed reading my book also. It was as if my own brain shut off my emotions. Soon, time began to pass — hours upon hours of waiting for information from my dad, when he finally came home. Multiple days went on and I stopped going to school so I could spend time with family. I might not be strong in a physical way, but mentally, I have the strength that everyone seemed to leave behind.
I was the one person looking at the brighter things in life and shutting the negative emotions out. I did something that people may think is impossible after something like this — I put my emotions aside to make sure my family was alright. A couple of months later, some people from the Stars of HOPE project came to San Bernardino to show how much others in the world cared for us too.