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Twins, especially identical twins, appear to harbor more resentment toward one another as they get older because they have worked diligently to establish a balanced and harmonious relationship over the course of their lives. They have both invested in this balance out of a need and wish to regulate competition and comparison.

Twin (TV series) - Wikipedia

As their lives diverge, it becomes much more difficult to maintain a sense of equality and sameness. When this occurs, one twin might find it difficult to enjoy her work or relationship successes because she feels guilty about disrupting the balance with her sister. I have worked with many twins who feel as if they are betraying and abandoning their twin when their life paths diverge and change.

Their loyalties to one another are strong—while admirable, it makes separation much more difficult.

Conclusions: Moving Through Life as a Twin

My work with twins has also highlighted why they have difficulty handling conflict. I believe this lack of emotional maturity results from the fact that they are still struggling to come to terms with their individual identities and therefore are still fighting to beat their rival rather than respectfully accept their differences. I would have always stayed quite, keeping every thought and memory to myself because maybe they were not really mine. Exploring different passions provided the opportunity to live a life full of strangeness.

And, without strangeness I would not have discovered my love for Godzilla movies and smell of old books.

The uniqueness of being a twin provided a perspective on the effects of outside image. Recognition is something easily taken for granted. We assume, of course, that this person is this person without ever needing to think twice because we just have to recognize their face.


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Identity is more that skin deep. And, finding self is something best done selfishly. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of an identity crisis to figure that out and there is nothing wrong with that.

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We lived our lives seeing the same things, but eventually the day came where I looked in the mirror and just saw my sister. This makes sense: we do look similar because of the whole twin thing or whatever — but that showed me how other people saw us as well.

I remember wanting my classmates to know my first name, not just my last name because saying that was easier than trying to figure out which one was which. I wanted to have a voice that made people think of only me, not of us as a pair. But, no matter how much we fight the ways of the world, face value is sometimes all we get and you just have to work with it.

I’m a twin, but I need to carve out my own identity

Needless to say, I had a little bit of a hipster phase, transitioning into hopelessly devoted trying not to be a hipster how very hipster of me , and settling on percent undecided on any label that I could ever put on myself. Ultimately, this identity crisis made me who I am now, and I strongly believe that it taught me some of the most important lessons I have ever learned. I learned that face value is worth rethinking, and I learned that identity is not reliant on what other people see. Without these lessons I would not have learned to be bold. I would have always stayed quite, keeping every thought and memory to myself because maybe they were not really mine.